Shaggy Dog Story

[gsxr126]

Handle every situation like a dog:

If you cant eat it or hump it, piss on it and walk away

[bis13]

now that made me laugh!

[Rusty's Uncle]

OK I know I should not have started this 

But hey what the hell 

A man and his dog went into a pub. The barman said "Sorry mate no dogs allowed in here!" The dog said "Oh please don't be like that, I'm trained and I won't cause any trouble!" The bar man was astonished at the talking dog and sat and chatted with the dog and it's owner. After a while the owner went to the toilet and the barman saw his chance for a prank. He said to the dog "Would you do me a favour as a wind up, will you go down to my friends bakers shop and order a loaf of bread??" "Sure!" Replied the dog. The bar man gave the dog a fiver and the dog left. When the owner came out of the toilet he went into a panic when he saw his dog had gone. The barman said "It's ok he's gone down to the bakery for me" The owner was livid "It IS NOT OK he's never been out on his own, anything could happen to him he could get run over. The owner spent the next hour searching for his dog, walking the streets frantically. As he was walking he heard strange noises coming from an ally way, he went down and there was his dog having it's wicked way with an attractive lady poodle. "ROVER!" Shouted the owner "You've had me worried sick, what's the matter with you you've never dissapeared like this before!"
The dog replied "I've never had a fiver before!" 

[michaelodonnell500]

OK I know I should not have started this 

But hey what the hell 

I blame Rusty for this:

A man sees an Ad in the paper.' Talking dog for sale - £10'
Thinking it must be wrong, he phones the owner and asks if it's a mistake.

"No come over and see for yourself"

she says.

He visits the owner and is brought through to meet the dog.

"Hello"   the dog says

"I expect you'll want to hear a bit about me?"

Speechless - The man sits down while dog continues to talk

"I have been entered into crufts 3 times and won each time.
I was getting a bit bored of dog shows and decided to join the police as a sniffer dog. During my time I was resonsible for the arrest of over 50 people and won dozens of awards and trophies for my outstanding work. After a few years I left to join customs. In my time there I prevented over £5 million worth of drugs being brought into the country and managed to sniff out the largest consigment of class A drugs ever caught by UK customs.
I've had a great time, but now I'm retired so I've moved in with Mavis to keep her company"

The man walks back through to Mavis and says

"That dog is amazing, why on earth do you want to sell him?"

Mavis replies
"Because he's a bl**dy liar!"

[Hazey-n-Marc]

 

[Rusty's Uncle]

Paddy says "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador .
" Sod that" saysMick
"have you seen how many of their owners go blind?"